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  回想起来,我是个天生好色的人。
我出生在一个偏僻的小县城,但童年时代却生长在离县城遥远一个山清水秀的小镇,原因是我妈妈是医生,那个年代,医生是要被下放到基层乡村为劳动人民服务的。当时,全国人民的服装基本都是相同,就是清一色的“蓝蚂蚁”,没有多少艳丽的色彩。但医生和护士则不同,他们上班穿的都是白大褂,一些年轻的女医生穿上白大褂,配着青春透红的面孔,叫人看了非常的舒爽。我常常会看着她们发呆,原因是她们漂亮,我非常喜欢她们抱我。其实,这仅仅是天然的异性相吸,出自本能的想与异性亲近,作为幼儿,主观上是没有性意识的。
大约四、五岁的时候,一个偶然的机会,让我体会到了什么是快感。那天,一个年轻漂亮的女医生,穿着白大褂叫人给她剪头发。我站在她座凳的旁边,看着乌黑柔软的头发,从她的头上洒落在她雪白细腻的脖子里,她白嫩的肌肤和柔软的细发,让我产生一种莫名的躁动。我从地上捡起她散落的秀发,一边使力地拉扯着,一边看她红朴朴的脸蛋和忽闪的眼睛,不知不觉,小鸡鸡硬了起来,她的头发绕在我的手里,不断被我揉扯和用力地捏摸,这种揉扯和捏摸,让我体会到儿童所能感受却无以表达的快感。为什么会有快感呢?当时我自己也不知道。
6岁,我上学了,对着班里流着鼻涕,背着弟弟妹妹读书的农村女孩子,我实在没有兴趣。不过,我对自家隔壁的小妹妹到是很有好感。这小妹妹叫朱湘,比我小一岁多,她姐姐和我同班,但姐姐太恶,我不喜欢。朱湘留着短发,小脸蛋很白嫩,温柔而会向妈妈撒娇,经常被她妈妈奚落:“那么大的丫头了,还嗲声嗲气的”。不过,我喜欢她这样。
农村里的孩子成熟早,班里的男孩经常会把手指勾成一个圈,再用另外一支手的手指插进去,开着玩笑说粗口“吊逼了”,我想,我的那种冲动是想吊逼了。和朱湘是邻居,我们自然玩的很熟,一天,我对她说:“我们玩吊逼好不好?”,没想到她很爽快就答应了,还问我怎么玩,我说我也不知道,反正就是男人和女人玩的,先玩玩再说。为了避开大人,我们到平房后面的草丛里,在有一小块空间发黄的草皮上,我让她先把裤子脱掉平躺着,然后我就分开她的大腿看,只见她的逼非常光洁细嫩,我用手分开她的阴唇,只见阴唇沟是粉嫩的,还有分泌物,手摸上去滑滑的。我用手乱摸一会她的逼,就把鼻子迎上去闻,觉得好臭,就把硬硬的小鸡鸡掏出来,在她的两片阴唇之间乱顶,不知什么原因,反正就是进不去。朱湘皱着眉头说“这样玩不舒服,还不如你用手摸”。我觉得很没趣,就穿好自己的裤子,无聊之间,扯了根小草梗茎来扎她的逼,朱湘皱着眉头,可能有点痛,但却忍得住。过了一会,她说她也想玩玩,我就又掏出小鸡鸡,她用手握着我硬硬的鸡鸡,却不知道怎么玩。接着,她也学我,用小草梗茎来扎我的龟头,天啊,好痛!我轻轻叫一声,急忙推开她的手。其实,她不是故意的,她那专注玩我的样子,显得天真而迷人。
以后,我和朱湘乘大人不在,经常玩这样的游戏,可惜就是不得要领。有一次,大人正好路过,见我们都脱着裤子,过来问我们干什么,我连忙说要尿尿,搪塞了过去。我们在一起相处半年,朱湘一家就返回县城去,令我非常失落。我大学毕业后从侧面打听过她的消息,听说她在县文工团,想必她一定出落得很漂亮,可惜一直没有机会见她。现在我想,如果她成为我老婆,一定是个温柔的女人。
朱湘走后,我家隔壁又搬来了一个叫燕华的女孩,我也和她玩过,花样与和朱湘玩的差不多,同样也是没有结果的了。后来我和燕华闹矛盾的时候,她就威胁我,说要把我和她的事情告诉大人。弄得我很狼狈,对她又怕又恨。在这就不说她了。
二年级,我离开母亲,从乡下跟随父亲到工厂。在厂子弟学校,我和一个叫春花的女生同桌,春花又黑又瘦,眼睛细细的,头发枯黄,样子难看而且很凶恶,经常会用尺子猛打我超越桌子两人分界线的手。年龄大了,我再也不敢向女生说玩吊逼的游戏了。夏天到了,春花穿着裙子,看着她裸露的脚,我很想知道她的逼是什么样的。有一天,机会来了,我的铅笔掉到桌子下面,我就钻下去捡,回头一看,哈哈,春花的裙子敞开,宽松的内裤路出半边逼,我调整了一下视线角度,逼就全被我看见了。她的逼有点黑,两片阴唇紧逼,看上去阴唇很粗燥,也很干燥,比不上朱湘的光滑细腻。我正看着,只见她伸手下来在大腿根抓了一会痒,又把内裤拉正,我以为她发现我什么了呢,吓得急忙回到座位上去。以后,我又偷看过春花几次,但都没有这次那么清楚。座位调整后,我的同桌换了好几个女生,她们穿的都很规整,我也就再没有机会了。
在这期间,我还玩过几个小女生的逼,那是我奶奶给别人领的孩子。不过都没能做什么,只是翻开看和摸摸而已。其中有个稍微大点的女孩,还把被我玩逼的事情告诉了她妈妈,尽管我百般抵赖,还是免不了被她妈妈骂了一顿,吓得我以后再也不敢弄小女生了.

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